good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
