Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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