i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
