I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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