she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize