no, he came in my armpit
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
