I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
send nudes
from the living room?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
