sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
