so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
