i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
