I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
