he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
