she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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