My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
