My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
