I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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