even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
