somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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