I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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