This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
