I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sext me about skeletons
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