whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
