I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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