I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
