im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
