What a fucking waste of an outfit
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
