I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
