The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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