Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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