not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
