In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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