I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
