escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
