you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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