how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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