he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
