Betty ford says i'm here all night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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