Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
