i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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