if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
