This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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