I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
