Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
