You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
