Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
