I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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