Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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