So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
