Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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