Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
