True but thats because hes a fetus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize