so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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