wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
