so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You don't make any sense
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