Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize