Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
