It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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