So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
