This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
