Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
