I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
