I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
