I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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