When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
