Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
