Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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