john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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